'Attached'

So it has become apparent to me that a lot of people say they care about you, but either fail miserably at their solemn attempts to prove it, or lie in the first place. You see, when I say I 'care' for someone, I mean it. I care for my best friend, Robin, who has to undergo major surgery this summer. I also care for my other friend, Blake, who I only found out a matter of months ago is actually battling cancer and has been for the past 9 months and he never told me. And I care for my boyfriend, who unfortunately, doesn't appear to reciprocate this rather grand gesture on my part. No. It almost seems as if the need to make effort and show he cares has completely dissipated as now he has me, there's no reason to fight to keep me. I'm not really bothered anyway, I mean, I'd love for him to care but I've come to the point where as I have realised that in order to stop yourself from being hurt, you mustn't let yourself become attached to people too easily; it causes pain for everyone involved.

I wish, for my own personal benefit, I could say I'm not 'attached' to anyone: however I do find myself rather attached to Blake, as he seems to be the only person to understand the real me - he shows an interest to my past, present and future, whether he is around for the foreseeable or not. You know, I think I'm growing to strongly dislike the word 'attached', possibly even hate. It is so metaphorically enhanced - so exaggerated -  that its true meaning is becoming lost. I mean, none of us are really 'attached' to anything, are we? It isn't as if we are dependant on said things, we would easily cope without them, we just choose to pick the easy way through everything when really, we are mislead because we are actually picking the more difficult way.

I think this is the reason I shouldn't allow myself to think at this time, my mind pretty much becomes an abyss of emotions, feelings, thoughts and unanswered questions after 12AM. Too much time to think, but not enough time to act upon my thoughts. Oh well, we must all go about our lives, mustn't we? We don't really have any other option, so to speak...

So first rant to myself over, I must stop before I end up writing a thesis about how I believe everything to be misconstrued and true definitions lost.

Goodnight.